What could be more entertaining than a pirate party on a boat? With a bar and great soundsystem? Not much by my book. Sadly the Battersea Barge does not throw pirate parties, so you’ll have to go elsewhere if you share my fantasy night.

You will, however, be pleased to discover that as well as hosting live nights the Barge also runs private events with great vigour, so if you’re really up for that brain wrecking evening of uninterrupted US Marine style silliness, get on the blower and let them know.

Being a disused barge it does have a faint whiff of squat about it, and the list can prove difficult to negotiate after a tankard or two, but in this great city, you get what you pay for, and this ain’t much.