An iconic nightclub in the very heart of the West End, the Cafe is very expensive and pretty unadventurous, music wise. The venue is magnificent but the experience is financially and emotionally draining. The very best way to appreciate the venue is at their dirt cheap live showcases early on Fridays.

Faux decadence is the name of the game. Big chandeliers, gold gilt staircases and waitresses wearing little more than Jodie Marsh in a belt shop lend a superficial aura of sophistication to the place.

The grim, closer-to-the-surface-than-you-think reality involves a lot of young men feeling broke and the ladies wishing they’d been taken somewhere a little classier. For some, heaven, for others, well, you know the score...