Corset and Diamonds Burlesque Party

Corset and Diamonds Burlesque Party

16 December, 2008
by: ChloeM

With publicity full of images of incredibly feminine, flawless, and fun looking women (and a few men) and a door policy of 'respect, glamour and dignity' Corset and Diamonds parties promises to be a grand affair, with make up artists, hair stylists, costumiers and photographers – and that's just the guests.  There's a wide range of performers booked, spanning comedy, song, dance, fashion, and of course, burlesque.

Surrounded by beautifully buxom lesbians and transvestites, we sit and sip cocktails and wait for the show to begin.  Four hours later, we are still waiting for the show to begin. With the 'Moulin Rouge' film being played on loop to a loud and ill-fitting funky house soundtrack, there is little else to keep us entertained.

Performers finally appear at midnight (just two hours before the venue closes) with opening comedy act 'Lemon Meringue Pie'. We wonder why we have paid good money to watch two young women talk rubbish, the kind of rubbish you can imagine them spouting whilst sitting at home, eating a kebab and watching late night TV at the end of a ladette's night out.

These two women do, however, make some effort with their dress – one with just nipple tassels covering her flat chest, the other so large that there appears to be a sausage emanating from between her bra and under-bust. So at least 'Little and Large' are funny in one respect. 

Large drags her boyfriend on stage, gives him a very unappealing lap-dance, and proceeds to joke that he has got 'wood'.  This hardly befits a night for lesbian ladies, let alone one with the rules of 'respect, glamour and dignity'.  As we watch an audience get more and more fed up, the novelty is certainly wearing off  and people start to leave. Everyone has put all of their effort into achieving effortless glamour, and simply hope for an evening to celebrate such femininity. A gay friend jokes 'no wonder lesbians look angry sometimes, with this kind of entertainment' and here we have the first real lesbian joke of the evening.

What follows is a completely unrehearsed fashion show, with wonderful comedic commentary from our favourite mock-lesbians. As the prices of each item are brashly announced, we are again reminded that we are getting our money's worth.  This spectacle completes the show for the night, and a further diminished audience are left wondering quite what is burlesque about this supposed burlesque evening.

A night glamourising burlesque women for the appreciation of other women is a fabulous concept. But nothing is as described and an evening of badly organised and executed entertainment (not in a so-bad-it-was-good kind of way) does not cut it, clearly missing the mark with many guests.

Charging £20 on the door, with expensive drinks, it is a wonder how so many guests are attracted. The organiser describes the night as 'just a cool party for your friends and mine' which is true, quite simply because no-one else would be foolish enough to go (more than once).


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ChloeM