Diamond Jubilee nonsense: the rebrands, the recipes and the bloody random

Diamond Jubilee nonsense: the rebrands, the recipes and the bloody random

24 May, 2012
by: Emma

Jubilee hooey.

Here at Spoonfed, we were a little worried we weren’t going to get any silly press releases hijacking the Diamond Jubilee this year. After all, Save the Frogs and Crown Jewels Condoms made us laugh for at least 10 seconds with their Royal Wedding mail outs last April. Thankfully, they’ve all come raining in at the last minute, as PRs everywhere  wrack their brains to think how they can put a fun Jubilee spin on their wares in time for the four day holiday. Needless to say, the words ‘fit for a queen’ and ‘right royal’ have well and truly been exhausted. 

THE REBRANDS

Ma’amite


Marmite are notorious for cashing in on holidays and events. There was the Valentine’s Marmite laced with a whopping 0.3% of champagne, the Guinness Marmite for St Patrick’s Day and the most tenuous of all, the Marston’s Pedigree Marmite launched to celebrate the 2009 Ashes Cricket Test series. Now they’ve developed a commemorative edition of the black yeasty stuff for the Queen’s Jubilee, renaming it "Ma'amite” with a red lid and a patriotic red, white & blue label. Didn’t Marmite get the royal protocol update?  ‘Ma’am’ is pronounced like ‘ham’ these days.  To the tower with you!

The Neff Elizabeth Sponge



Roll over Viccy sponge, there’s a new cake in town. Inspired by the Queen’s fondness for peppermint creams as a child, Neff have cooked up a special recipe to commemorate her Jubilee – the Elizabeth Sponge, containing a dark chocolate cake with a dark chocolate peppermint cream filling, finished with “a butter cream ganache and crushed glacier mints for a bit of diamond-like sparkle and crunch. We like their headline: “Now the queen can have her OWN cake and eat it,” but then we are suckers for a witty proverb.

Queensmill



To celebrate the Jubilee, Kingsmill has changed its name to Queensmill on its Soft White, Tasty Wholemeal and 50/50 loaves. Consumers will be able to purchase their very own commemorative loaf of bread in the build up to the big weekend. So abandon the flags, head down to the river and wave your loaves of Queensmill in the air as our monarch sails past. Think of her flotilla like a massive duck if you will and throw hunks of bread at it. Is that the kind of celebration you envisaged Kingsmill?

THE RECIPES

Jim Beam Red Stag cocktails
“Celebrate the Jubilee with a right royal knees-up from Red Stag by Jim Beam. Raise a Queen’s Stag cocktail to honour HRH: a refreshing afternoon drink containing  1 ½ shots Jim Beam Red Stag, ½ shot Sourz Apple, 1 shot fresh orange, 1 shot cranberry juice and top with ginger beer.”

Because nothing says ‘fit for a queen’ like Sourz Apple and Red Stag.

Philadelphia Cream Cheese
Philadelphia, “the UK’s number one cream cheese” FYI, has created a royal list of recipes to choose from “all with special significance for Her Majesty, from Majestic Mousses to Eton Mess. The only problem is, the food will be so delicious there won’t be any left to feed the corgis!”

PAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaerrrrrrrzzzzz.

Marco Pierre White


Marco Pierre White has teamed up with Knorr again (that Chateau D’Yquem doesn’t pay for itself you know) to produce a selection of recipe recommendations for "The ultimate jubilee party dish", including Chicken Drumsticks with Brown Rice and Peas. Thank God for Marco or we’d really have struggled to cobble that one together.

THE RANDOM

Sistema food storage


“Stay ahead of the rest with our clever food storage range, perfect for all your street party food fancies” Sistema tells us. “You don’t want to be faffing with sticky cling film, tin foil and squished food when there’s a street party to be had!” To be honest, that all sounds jolly sensible Sistema. Tupperware was a long shot but it paid off. Well done.

Bedworld.net Diamond Jubilee Mattress
“Celebrate the Queens Jubilee With 50% OFF The Diamond 3000 Pocket Mattress.” But of course! It’s got the word ‘diamond’ in it!! The Queen is celebrating her ‘Diamond’ Jubilee. It’s a no brainer!! We notice the Diamond 2000 mattress came with no such deal. Clearly only 3000 pocket springs will do for her Maj.

Old El Paso


I don’t think we need to explain how weird this advert is. 

TWO BIRDS, ONE STONE

Marriott Hotel Jubilee/Father’s Day tea
We received about five squillion emails about Jubilee-themed afternoon teas. Because the Queen bloody loves her tea doesn’t she? But the one that made us chuckle the most was from the Marriott Hotel County Hall who wanted to make sure they had all bases covered. “Commemorate at the London Marriott Hotel County Hall: Toast the Queen and celebrate Father’s Day with a bespoke Afternoon Tea” Coming Soon: The Marriott Autumnal Equinox Tea.

English Provender Co. 


Premium chutney maker, The English Provender Co, has created the world’s most expensive jar of chutney to celebrate both the Jubilee and the Olympics. The jar is covered in “2000 Swarovski crystals, stuck on individually by hand in a patriotic Union Jack design”. One of the four commissioned jars costs around £1000 and took 40 hours to create. Time well spent.

John Torode on Bran Flakes


We came across this gem in The Daily Mail Magazine. Masterchef's John Torode seamlessly ties Bran Flakes to the Olympics and the Diamond Jubilee in one fell swoop. “What’s hot for foodies?” queries the sub header. Let John tell you! “Why not celebrate the Jubilee and the Olympics this year with a patriotic brekkie from a new range of British Spelt Bran flakes. They’re healthy with no salt and low sugar...and very tasty too” says John. Ummm bran flakes. So hot. So patriotic. So tasty. 


Want more Jubilee madness? See all London Jubilee events on Spoonfed

Emma