Emma McAlpine speaks to the exuberant Geordie stand-up about making women cry, bottling dolphins and 'Harry Pottering'.

You've taken shows to the Fringe for six years now. Do you still look forward to it?
I always enjoy it but I guess it’s a bit like Christmas. When you’re a kid you’re really excited at first and then you get used to it the more years you do it.
What’s been your favourite year so far?
The year I did my Joy show (2008) one was my favourites because I had to give out Santa hats and free pairs of socks. It was ludicrously expensive when we did it on tour but it was such good fun. The Confessions show is harder because it’s quite emotional. I did it recently in Australia and found it quite hard to go back to it.
There's usually a few tears shed in that show aren't there?
I can now predict the exact point when people in the audience start crying. At one show in Adelaide, 15 women all had a handkerchief in their right hand and dabbed their eyes at the same point and I thought "I’m getting too good at this!"
What’s your new show The End about?
Earlier this year I thought I was dying. The show explains what happened afterwards. It's about looking at your life and taking the time to stop and appreciate it.
It’s about the classic things in life I've seen like when I was in the Merchant Navy I saw the pyramids and the Suez Canal, but then it’s also about things that are unique to me. Once I knocked a dolphin unconscious with a champagne bottle. I think that’s unique to me, that story.
I'd say so!
It did survive, I will stress that.
So you were in the Merchant Navy before you became a comic?
Yeah I started off in the Merch but I always made people laugh and had an incredible need for acceptance. My friend was a comic back home and asked me to write him some sketches. I used to put them in a big brown envelope and post them home. After about six months I came home and saw them being performed for the first time and thought "I want to do that". I quit my job, sold my house and the rest is history.
Didn't you start off performing in Newcastle's Hyena club?
Yeah there’s a story in my show this year about the Hyena. You know when you go to a gig and it’s so bad you get bottled off stage? Well I was mini-kieved off stage at the Hyena. It was a really bad Christmas gig, and I got showered in them! I had to sit at the bar afterwards stinking of garlic and butter.
You must find your heart-warming shows a lot more rewarding than club gigs.
Yeah I've started to get more obstinate in my old age and stick to my guns a bit more in what I want to do. I call it festival comedy because it’s stuff that’s real. I try and avoid Harry Pottering, when people in audience are wearing glasses of any description and you abuse them for looking like Harry Potter. I’m sure I've been guilty of it doing it myself in the past but I want to be a better comic.
It’s funny coming back from Edinburgh in September when you've been skipping around saying:"Isn’t that amazing, consider this" and you’re faced with a load of stags and hens going: "Say cock, please say cock."
Do you go and see many other shows while you’re up there?
Not really I'm too worried about my own show usually! I've directed Chris Ramsey's show this year. Every year I make ‘doing notes’ for other comics I'm previewing with, about different things they need to improve etc. I really enjoy it because I like analysing comedy, so this year I put it about that I wanted to direct a show and Ramsey said yes.
It must be really satisfying to tweak bits here and there and see it develop into a better show.
It’s a bit like being an evil puppet master. "Yes Chris, you should be naked at the end." "No, the racism’s ironic, they’ll definitely understand it." - that sort of thing! You also have to use those words directors use. I’ve been using long words to blow Ramsey’s mind like: "Textualise" and "Juxtaposition.” I've also been saying: “Put a bit of frisson in the subtext." "Let's have an extra bit of frisson in that."
Jason Cook: The End (part one) is at The Stand at 3pm until 29th August
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