Emma McAlpine revisits her youth at a brand new comedy night based on children's stories.
I love children's stories. I even wrote my dissertation on them at university (before you say 'cop out', it was actually quite hard alright?!). Children's stories remind me of that warm, rose-tinted period of my youth, when five years seemed like 50 years and you had all the time in the world to get lost in stories of magic trees, gargantuan peaches and hungry caterpillars. Now all us grown-ups have is a snatched half hour on public transport and we have to read serious and important works by people called Kafka and Kerouac. Honestly, some days I would rather go back to The Jolly Postman.
Recently, some really interesting themed nights have been cropping up in London's ever-flourishing comedy scene, not least Not Now, Bernard - a comedy gig built around, wait for it, children's stories! Each show sees different comics reinvent a tale of their choosing in any fashion they like. Held in Islington’s cosy Old Red Lion Theatre, a handy five minute stroll from the Spoonfed office, I had to check it out.
Dryly comic compere Mike Shepherd describes the night as a bit like an estranged father visiting his kids: "We turn up twice a month with largely inappropriate stuff for your age." First act Horse and Louis - last year's Musical Comedy Awards runners-up - embrace the concept with gusto, plumping for a rendition of The Three Little Pigs - The Musical. In their amusingly warped retelling, the wolf is a local council administrator, objecting to the pigs' shoddy building work and gobbling them up in punishment ("I may have overstepped the boundaries of my job"). It's a delightfully absurd take on the classic tale, with catchy guitar riffs (which they later admit they've borrowed from the Tesco's theme tune), witty dialogue and even an appearance from Grand Designs' Kevin McCloud. It's not hard to see why they're fast gaining recognition on the circuit.
Sketch act Casual Violence take a little too long to introduce themselves, but once they're off, they produce some smart ideas and plenty of good lines. We're introduced to Wally from the Where's Wally? picture book series; exasperated with being tracked down wherever he goes ("I don't want to hide anymore! I just want to sit down!") and see Mr Men creator Roger Hargreaves flogging his formula to death, personifying any emotion he can think of from 'Mr Latent Agression' to 'Mr Inappropriate Tickle' ("The children need to be warned!").
Headline act Danielle Ward reads us her favourite Brothers Grimm tale - The Robber Bridegroom - interspersing it with her own comedic and filthy annotations. An amusingly inappropriate story for children, featuring young maidens being stripped of their clothes before being cut into small pieces and devoured by robbers, Ward delights in embellishing it with her own gory details and observations: "See it's fine - they didn't rape her."
At the end of the gig, improv group Fat Kitten are handed a mystery children's book which they devise their own live version of. Lacking slickness, they work better with practiced formulas. They warm up with a game of audience Guess Who?, where we all stand up and a member of the group has to choose which of us his teammate is thinking of. This begins innocently enough ("Does this person wear glasses?"), but gets funnier with more probing questions ("Does this person shop at Topman?, Would this person put out?"). When the group launch into their own version of Space Chase To Planet Zog however (to be fair, probably not the easiest tale to recreate), it descends into rambling nonsense, with too much emphasis on the game and not enough on creating humour.
While it slightly tailed off towards the end, I would happily revisit this club. Creator James Hamilton (of Casual Violence) has left no stone unturned with a medley of different comedy genres on offer here, not to mention a unique theme with widespread appeal. It says a lot that so many comics have signed up for a gig where they're prepared to spend time creating all-new material for a one-off performance. Not Now, Bernard has a winning formula. Providing acts continue to put the effort in, it should enjoy longevity.
Photo credit: Jess Duxbury
Click here to see details of the next Not Now, Bernard
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