The Crack at Udderbelly

The Crack at Udderbelly

19 June, 2009
by: Emma

Cabaret and variety can be bloody awful. Burlesque acts that are smutty instead of sexy, magicians best left for children's parties, jugglers that wouldn't make money busking on the street...I needn't go on. When it's done right it's a fantastic spectacle to behold and the team behind the Udderbelly's current offering The Crack (who also produced the Olivier Award-winning cabaret night La Clique) certainly know how to put on a good show.

Variety has to be more than its namesake, it has to be good. There are plenty of different routines at The Crack from captivating physical feats to improvised song but what really makes it so enjoyable is the quality of the acts. Miss Behave, the dominatrix hostess keeps the crowd in line, while performance artist Dr Stewart keeps us occupied in between act changes with his polished mime and dance sequences. First act Kalki Hula does a bizarre routine portraying a drunken girl on the lash while simultaneously stripping and navigating several hula hoops round her body. It's a mesmerising effect, as she 'sobers up' with hoops spinning in all directions; a one-woman oscillating machine.

There are two very different but equally entertaining musical acts in the form of Phil Kay and Earl Okin. Kay is renowned for improvising most of his comedy and tonight he is on top form making up a song based on his audience observations. A man walks in late wearing a pink jumper - big mistake: "Is it peach or is it salmon, is it peach or salmon?" Kay trills before spotting a man in the audience with a similar beard to himself. "Who wants to see two beards rub together?" he sings as the beard in question leaps out of his seat to oblige. 62-year-old musician Earl Okin serenades the audience (particularly the ladies) with his comically seductive Bossa Nova song 'My Room', but is his startlingly accurate imitation of a trumpet that makes the crowd gasp (and the reason behind his nickname on the circuit of 'Old Horny Mouth').

Mr Jones comes next, playing the role of inept entertainer using props from his trunk of tricks to disastrous effect. The act would have been markedly improved if he had actually pulled off an amazing stunt at the end, having teased us with his incompetence; but with no real skills to show off he is the only one who doesn't fit on the bill. There is speed painting from Jon Hicks to the energetic tune of Elvis' 'Little Less Conversation'. Pink paint flies everywhere as we all desperately peer at the huge canvas to work out what the emerging picture is. As the end result becomes obvious the crowd show their appreciation first with 'ohhhhs', then wolf whistles and rapturous applause.

After the interval, downbeat stand-up Andrew Lawrence shows off his extensive vocabulary, venting spleen about a police officer giving him a ticket. He's divided audiences before with his twisted humour but tonight the crowd is fully behind him as he requests a standing ovation and actually looks surprised when he gets one! Nina Conti in particular shone with her ventriloquism act. Anyone who thinks it a dead art needs to see her; going way beyond simple banter with her puppet Monkey, she deconstructs the whole ventriloquism process, drawing attention to the split personalities involved and playing with our perceptions of the typical roles of host and puppet.

The Crack's star turn and headline act is Woody Bop Muddy and his Record Graveyard. It is almost impossible to convey the hilarity of Woody's routine. He is obsessed with rice and when he's not making jokes about it, throwing it at the audience or over himself, he is playing records and  inviting the audience to decide which should be saved (The Wombles) and which deserve the wrath of his hammer (James Blunt). Girls hand round rice for us to pelt at him and the whole audience is whipped into a frenzy of yelling, dancing and throwing rice. It's completely bonkers and brilliant.

There are a few more nights left of this show and I couldn't recommend it highly enough. Each act only lasts five minutes which is perfect for the Twitter generation amongst us who need constant updates and have the attention span of a goldfish. For those that can concentrate longer than five minutes you are left wanting to see more and that is surely the ultimate goal of any entertainment.

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Emma