The Golden Record: Sounds Of The Earth at the BAC

The Golden Record: Sounds Of The Earth at the BAC

19 February, 2009
by: Emma

If you were trying to save the planet from alien destruction what case would you make for it?  What images or sounds would you present to them to capture the beauty of life on earth? Botticelli's Venus? Some lovers kissing? Pavarotti in full warble?  A video of the entire opening ceremony for the 2008 Olympics? There are quite a few things to consider.

In 1977 a NASA committee chaired by Carl Sagan launched a phonographic record into space intended for extra-terrestrial lifeform portraying life on earth through 115 images and sounds including bird song, greetings in 55 different languages and drawings of the naked human form.  One slight hitch is it will take 40,000 light years to encounter another star and any kind of life.  Oh well, it's always fun to document things.
 
Artist Mel Broomfield has made it her personal project over the last couple of years to compile a Golden Record for the noughties getting artists, film makers and comedians to make their pitches for inclusion to audiences across the country.  As well as videos and pictures, nine comedians delivered a 15 minute speech over several heats at the Edinburgh Festival last summer, to try to and relate life on earth. The New Art Club performed the Hokey Cokey and Will Smith discussed egg cups.  A vote was cast and it came down to three finalists: Stewart Lee, Robin Ince and Alex Horne.  Last night the grand final was held at The Battersea Arts Centre.  Which comedian would the audience choose to represent earth?

John Hegley comperes the evening and is a perfect choice with his collection of animal-based poems and songs.  As Stewart Lee puts it he is the 'David Attenborough of the comedy world'.  I love going to a John Hegley gig when you know what to prepare yourself for.  Rule number one: Do not be late.  At the entrance of any guilty-looking latecomers he will boom 'lights up' at the technical staff whereupon said tardy rotters will be frozen like rabbits in the sudden glare and ordered to sit at the front where he can keep an eye on them.  Rule number two: Do not wear glasses.  Or do, but be prepared, as a fellow glasses wearer, to sing and possibly dance on your own if it's called for during a song.  His rap about guillemots is a particular highlight - "I’m a guillemot, I don't eat krill a lot."

First to present his case is Alex Horne who should certainly be applauded for his improv skills.  He remarks half-way through his set about communicating to aliens that he should probably have attempted some scripted material but his interior monologue, whilst not hugely laugh-inducing, is entertaining and endearing nonetheless.  His pièce de résistance hits us very unexpectedly at the end – a human beatbox/Justin Timberlake mash-up which is an aural masterpiece and must have taken hours of practice to perfect.

Stewart Lee is next and presents Richard Attenborough and Pope John Paul II as the reason we should be spared as a race.  He has a very good story about visiting the papal state and buying a lollipop with an effigy of the old pope on it – 'He had a lickable face.' However he strongly objects to the face of the new pope, Benedict XVI : "Perhaps it could be put on bottles of bleach to warn young children it's poison."

Using mainly material from his excellent Bleeding Heart Liberal show, Robin Ince makes a case for his favourite scientists including Charles Darwin.  He lays into American author Ann Coulter's theory that 'without Darwin there would be no Hitler': "That's like saying without Isaac Newton we'd all have banged up knees from falling over. No Pythagorus – no Toblerone." Brilliant.

So with a show of frantic arm waving we cast our votes for best speaker with the aid of all the glasses wearers in the audience.  Alex Horne is the winner and is so surprised and excited to have met his hero Stewart Lee he tells us all about their rather private conversation backstage discussing agencies.   The prize? – a girl's Luton Town football scarf donated by Hegley.  Comedians' trophies really are the stuff of dreams.

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Emma