"He's behind- he's behind- he's behind- " come on, when can we shout 'he's behind you!'?
You probably had one of two different reactions to the news that David Hasselhoff and Louie Spence were starring in Peter Pan this year: “Wow! How cool is that!” or “Wtf? Avoid!”. Which one was right? The latter, though not for the reasons you'd expect.
The panto starts with an overture – unusual, but it's probably to show off the quality of the band. Although the orchestrations are too much, there is a grand, stirring sound produced by a surprisingly small number of people. The music is especially good when Peter Pan and the Darlings fly over London. This is probably the best part of the production – as the four dangle from (unfortunately visible) wires, London is projected onto the gauze in front of them, creating a magical moment.
In Neverland, we meet Captain Hook – yes, yes, David Hasselhoff – and Louie Spence, who plays the Cabin Boy, erm, Roger (though frustratingly they never actually say “Roger the Cabin Boy”!). The two make a pretty decent double act. Spence spins, skips and minces all over the stage (why walk when you can prance?) and great use is made of his dancing abilities – yep, he's still got it. He's more flexible than a Lib Dem promise. The Hoff is made for over-the-top panto villains, but the script doesn't provide enough opportunities for him to be evil and sometimes his words are muffled. Diction, boy, diction!
This is clearly a no-expenses-spared production; along with the flying effects and the celebrities, the sets and costumes are spectacular and they even use pyros in the impressive Red Indian dance sequence at the end of Act One. Why, then, is Wendy's wig so shoddy?
By the end of the show, the flaws are glaringly obvious, the main problem being the structure. Peter Pan doesn't get enough stage time (ok, you got the Hoff, we know, but the show is called Peter Pan) and doesn't even sing until the end. Most of the songs, which are ever so vaguely related to the story, are sung by Supremes-style singers the Panettes. Nadine Higgin, Donna Hines and Tasheka Coe all have stonking voices and handle the close harmonies with ease, but they and their songs aren't integrated into the show very well at all.
Worst of all, a distinct lack of opportunities for audience participation causes the children to start shouting at the stage of their own accord. Swathes of dialogue are lost as left-out and probably bored children create their own amusement. Should you go? Oh no you shouldn't!
Peter Pan is on at New Wimbledon Theatre until 16th January
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