Late Night Gimp Fight tell us why gimps are best left locked in your basement...
1. Run for Mayor of London
Gimps are notoriously bad at public speaking. Their mouths are usually zipped up, which doesn’t help. Also, their plan to abolish Boris Bikes in favour of Boris Slaves didn’t go down well at City Hall.
2. Train for the British Judo team at the 2012 Olympics
Gimps are terrible at fighting. They won’t retaliate; in fact they will enjoy the beating. They will just lie there and take it... which makes finishing in the medals something of a long-shot.
3. Go and support the Queen’s Jubilee
Yeah... try showing up at Buckingham Palace in a gimp suit and see how the police react.*
*Spoonfed does not recommend you try this.
4. Go speed-dating
Gimps don’t make good first impressions.
5. Hang out in Shoreditch
A gimp hanging out in Shoreditch could result in an East-London fashion trend emerging overnight, leading all the cool kids to dress like gimps too, and before you know it the capital will be overrun with leather-clad, mask-wearing submissives.
6. Go for a lovely walk in a park
Taking a gimp for a walk in a park is likely to reduce any nearby children to tears instantly. For safety reasons gimps should be kept on a very tight leash, which they will enjoy, to be honest.
7. Take a gimp to the London Dungeon
You will never get the gimp back. The gimp is likely to mistake this tourist-attraction for the ultimate gimp den, chain itself up, hide in a cage, and await punishment from bemused tourists.
8. Wander round Tate Modern
The sight of a gimp in the Tate Modern is likely to raise so few eyebrows that visitors will simply assume it’s an interactive piece of performance art, and probably award it the Turner Prize.
9. Dine in Claridges
Gimps do not deserve to be treated, and they certainly don’t adhere to any posh dress codes. Although they would get a perverted thrill from receiving a dressing down from Gordon Ramsay.
10. Star in an Off-West End show
Gimps aren’t funny. See for yourself.
Late Night Gimp Fight
Soho Theatre
Thursday 19th April-Saturday 5th May
8:30pm
Return to the London Comedy homepage
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