Valentine Special 2008

Valentine Special 2008

21 July, 2008
by: Joe Harrod

Last year on February 13 I got in a drunken row with the love of my life and said something very, very rude indeed about Valentine's Day. If you were anywhere near Tottenham Court Road that night, you may have heard me saying it.

Ashamed as I am of this revolting behaviour, it did result in a near perfect Valentine's Day: me on bended knee with apologies and some chilled champagne, a serious chat about our future (and my drinking), some delicious Chinese takeaway and the last hour of the Champions' League.

However, it is impossible (and dangerous) to engineer this kind of evening. Luckily, there are a myriad of options in London, whether you're single or loved up.

Singletons:

Valentine's is a minefield if you're in a couple but for singletons it provides the excuse to indulge yourself to the max: feel bitter, go on the pull, rejoice in your freedom – the world is your oyster.

The Lock Tavern's Anti Valentine's party might be a good place to kick things off with some quality tunes over several floors and plenty of eye tennis. If you're feeling a tad more adventurous, try swapping clothes with strangers at Favela Chic: it gives a certain frisson to proceedings when you've seen everyone's underwear already.

For those of a less forgiving disposition, wallow in your loneliness at the Old Blue Last's all vinyl sentimental special My Ex Boyfriend’s Records – there'll be plenty of fellow outcasts on a sea of lost love. Or just rock the hell out at the Arts Theatre Club's V Day Massacre.

Dress up:

There's nothing raunchier than a bit of dressing up and there are plenty of opportunities this Thursday including a tasty looking gangster themed soirée at Zigfrid's and an Angels and Demonz borderline fetish night at the newly revamped Sin. The latter has the best music, and Sin is a proper playground.

Musical Affair:

The vast majority of couples, even in London, will be staring down the barrel of a serious cocktail bill, or gamely lighting candles and whipping up something from Jamie Oliver's latest cookbook in their bedsits. If you've got a bit of dough, why not inject some real music into the mix? Somebody said it was the food of love, and all these places serve real grub as well.

Card carrying romantics (which is to say, those carrying credit cards) can knock back a few aphrodisiacs, dine out and enjoy classic love songs from yesteryear at the Jazz Café's superbly timed Billie Holiday retrospective. Slightly lower rent and possibly even better is Soulbrew's special at Cargo, featuring soul sensation Omar crooning from his new album.

For our money the most romantic of the lot is weird Icelandic songster Olafur Arnalds, giving you the chance to get misty eyed at the cutting edge – though you will have to contend with the beer stained carpets of the Monto. At the other end of the spectrum there's a cheese fest of slightly sickening proportions at the Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes presided over by Mr Guilty Pleasures.

Get Kinky:

If Valentine's makes you feel a little perverse, there's plenty of bare flesh, wrestling and domination available at the weekend, including too trendy Lucha Brittania at SEOne and fetish favourite Torture Garden's festivities at Mass.

We do have one naughty suggestion for couples on Valentine's Day itself: why not treat your other half to a night of oysters, champagne and titillation at bizarre but brilliant strip joint Volupté? But please, don't try this unless you know it'll be well received.

Comedy Rescue Remedy:

Finally, and you really might thank us for this, we've got a tip for midnight on Valentine's Day. We all know you want to be tucked up in bed by then, but there's every possibility your date will have descended into a fiery, tail-spinning shit-storm that's threatening to destroy your romantic career. A good laugh might pull you out of that nose-dive, in which case, head down to Maxwell's Fullmooners in the West End – a rare comedy showcase at the Store and consistently awesome.

Have fun, don't take it too seriously, and remember – sexual jealousy and flush-faced drunken rage are not sexy.

Click here for things to do in London.

Joe Harrod