Snuggles or clubbing? Chocolates or tequila? Yep, thought so.
Valentine's Day morning is one of those bitter-sweet moments which you hate yourself for anticipating, but get excited anyway – despite knowing deep down that the whole sorry affair is engineered by Clinton Cards, and the pink tissue wrapped day is circled over by a kettle of hungry marketing vultures waiting to feed on the dashed romantic hopes of the nation.
Will I get a card? Flowers? Chocolates? Does anyone love me? Do I look especially fat/ugly/old/repulsive/stupid/chav-esque today? Oh! Wait! What's that pink envelope resting fatly on the mat...could it be? Oh...bugger. Thanks mum.
If you are lucky enough to have a lover – particularly one who buys in to the concept of lavishing you with beautiful, pointless gifts and kisses – then the day is a glorious one. But if, like me, you are blessed with a cynic for a partner – and one who endorses the concept of practicality over luxury – then the day really is just like any other. But come on now. Buck up your ideas kiddo. Today is the time to make the decision to spend the evening not gazing through the smoggy candlelight at your beloved over an unidentifiable plate of gruel, but indulging in the most joyous of pastimes – dancing, flirting and getting incredibly wasted.
This year, the fated day falls on a Tuesday, meaning that you can party in the name of love two weekends on the trot.
First up at XOYO on Saturday 11th February, the Plump DJs are keeping it chubby with a hard-edged house and techno showdown to celebrate their first label mix album. They bring with them a handpicked line-up which includes Reset, Burns and Tom Staar.
Or there's always the risque fetish event of the year: the Torture Garden Valeintine's Ball. There will be all manner of spectacles at their new 2000 capcity venue the Coronet. Please note that fetish dress is compulsory.
Or on the tamer side of things, there is a Roller-Disco with all London's disco illumni! The Electric Roller Disco features the delights of Horse Meat Disco, Electric Minds and Warm, all packed into the simply wonderful, cavernous Hackney Downs Studios.
On a hip hop tip The Hundred Hand Slap deals in raggalicious booty-funk and they've got a beatbox showcase tonight from two major players.
The following weekend even bigger things lie in wait. The indomitable Skrillex is smashing Brixton Academy on his Grey Daze tour, the utterly wonderful drum and bass label of now Shogun Audio bring their brightest stars to Cable, and the Krankbrothers are playing the Basing House with one third of WiLDKATS: Mr Corey Baker.
Over in Shoreditch, East Village are turning Four. Go and celebrate their eloquently varied music policy, with NYC stalwart Joe Clasuell and King of the re-edit The Revenge playing upstairs.
And The Book Club hosts the Electro Swing Club Alpine Special - this music is guarenteed to put a dip in your hip and a glide in your stride.
So, no need to sob into your pillow just yet. Forget Valentine's day – it pales in comparison to London's splendorous club landscape. Go partying and appreciate the lovely beats instead.
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More hopeless than hopeless romantic? Check out Valentine's Day Ideas: Cheap, Creative and Curbing Expectations
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