Maybe it’s the indecisive weather – the February sun-then-snow-then-rain-then-snow-no-sleet-then-sun-then-rain, but for this week’s Singles of the Week, Spoonfed get giddy with their reviews, like schoolkids itching for Breaktime… Oh, who are we kidding, it’s because it’s Jedward week innit.
Uffie – MCs Can Kiss
Ed Banger
Rebellious Ed Banger brat Uffie returns with a tongue-in-cheek offering which addresses the fact that she isn’t a very good MC.
"I’ve got something MCs can kiss," she says, "It’s a nice bum cheek and it goes like this. There’s two kinds of MCs out there, there’s the ones who rap and the ones who don’t care." It’s pretty good – despite/ because of Uffie’s awful rapping. The incoherent sax courtesy of Mr Oizo at the end is trademark. Off centre, French electro geek chic. 4/5
LC
Rammstein – Ich Tu Dir Weh
Universal Music
Equal parts electronic sleaze and cold-blooded aggression, 'Ich Tu Dir Weh' witnesses the German metallers' most ingenious moment to date. Translating loosely to 'I Hurt You,' this infectious beast unleashes a bass-heavy assault, finished with icy, Depeche Mode-like synths.
Despite the obvious language barrier to non-German listeners, frontman Till Lindermann's menacing tone communicates much of the violence rooted deep within his sadomasochistic verses. Hinged on a catchy yet expertly assembled chorus, 'Ich...' is a deliciously twisted slice of supreme industrial metal. 4/5
FC
Los Campesinos! – Romance is Boring
Wichita
Despite the tiresome pseudonyms (all the members have the surname Campesinos! With an exclamation mark! What larks!), gratingly quirky song titles and obtuse arrangements, the musical ascent of LC has been – at times – a pleasure to behold.
Yet while this track is just the sort of cohesive and direct indie-punk they always threatened to make, they still manage to spoil their success by roping in that horse-faced warbler from Simon Cowell’s karaoke program for the video. Will they never learn? 3.5/5
MF
Dum Dum Girls – Jail La La
Sub Pop
You remember Vivian Girls right? Well Dum Dum Girls are sort of the like the LA version, and as a result are a little more sun-drenched and obviously not afraid to rock a leather jacket in 100° heat.
‘Jail La La’ is a happy, clappy tale of felony and woe that isn’t afraid to hide a poppy melody behind a bunch of reverb. Yet despite all its cool credentials, I still can’t help feeling pretty meh about the whole thing. There are better songs on the MySpace. 3/5
DH
Alkaline Trio – This Addiction
Sony
Listening to this latest offering from Alkaline Trio, I feel like I'm 15 again and watching Green Day at Wembley; sitting down as my concerned mother forbade me from entering the mosh pit with the big kids. And just like any other American pop-punk offering, 'This Addiction' is a drum-tastic, rabble-rousing, riotous little number.
I especially like the line "you hit me just like heroin". Purely for the nostalgic factor, I have no qualms in admitting that I don't mind this at all. 2.75/5.
LR
Demi Lovato - Remember December
Polydor
In her new single ‘Remember December', Demi Lovato embodies some kind of Miley Cyrus-meets-Paramore ensemble. It fails to stand out but will definitely appeal to its target audience.
There is just about room to squeeze another artist into the teen pop/rock scene but it is getting pretty full. Lovato's voice isn't half bad, but if she wants to stick around she will have to pick some songs that do her more justice. I wish her luck! 1.5/5
AG
The Moons – Nightmare Day
Acid Jazz
Spoonfed Singles of the Week Videprinter:
0-30s: Imagine the Kaiser Chiefs covering ‘Ghost Town’
user1: OMG guys, u see Ricky Kaiser got bored for new album…shudda listened to his own songs megalol.
30s-60s: Ridiculous clichéd lyrics, how are these guys signed?: ‘When I woke up late this morning/I didn’t pick up any warnings.’
User2: Wot…not even waking up late was a warning?? Wot a pr***
60s-90s: Chorus courtesy of OCS
User1: OMG cant wait for new Kaisers after this!
90s-: Oh, who am I kidding, repeat to fade… 1/5
PW
Timbaland feat. Katy Perry – If We Ever Meet Again
Interscope
When was Timbaland great? It was when Aaliyah was alive and I had just seen the video to ‘Are You That Somebody?’ I decided that somebody was definitely me, so learnt all the dance moves. Now, 2010 sees the release of ‘If We Ever Meet Again’ off Shock Value Vol. II.
But the most shocking aspect about the whole affair is how much it resembles a cynically polished auditory turd. I hope I never hear it again but I know it will unfortunately follow me forever until I throw myself into the sea. 1/5
BG
The Courteeners – You Overdid It Doll
Polydor
The Courteeners' ‘Hit Single Plan’: TOP SECRET. 1. Write moody, lumbering four chord plod-rock backing track; 2. Pen lyric around a word last used by 1920s gangster racketeers; 3. Have Liam Fray approximate a marginally more delicate John McClure from Reverend and the Makers on vocals; 4. Add echo and synths so you can tell interviewers you’re “well into Echo and the Bunnymen, and that"; 5. Embarrass Morrissey and Ed Buller by engaging their support/involvement; 6. Approach Radio 1 studios trouserless and with lube in hand. Voila! You’ve written ‘You Overdid It Doll’.
Woeful. 0.5/5
JL
Jedward feat. Vanilla Ice – Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby)
Sony
That's right! It's a cover of a cover made by blending the original with the cover. As if that wasn't mind blowing enough, it's performed by two young Irish lads with Something About Mary hair styles.
One can only assume that they're where they are – and their hair is the way it is – because of some sort of backstage bukkake party where the boys form the centrepiece of a very expensive game of soggy biscuit. No Stars
TO
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