This week we've learnt that Mr. Scruff's new single is pretty much amazing and that the guy from Crystal Swing should not be allowed out of his cage – seriously, he looks like some sort of crazed monkey.
*SINGLE OF THE WEEK*
Mr. Scruff vs Kirsty Almeida – Pickled Spider
Ninja Tunes
This new tune from Mr. Scruff is simplicity itself – which is why it's so good. Great live sounding kit, massive all-encompassing bass line and little plinky bits of keys and horns. "Get yourself on the floor" goes the loop of Kirsty Almeida's vocals, and you can bet people will be heeding that advice as this smashes dance floors everywhere all summer. 4.5/5
TO
The Chapel Club – Five Trees
Polydor
Mmmm, crooning lead singer Lewis tripped me up, and head over heels I fell fifteen seconds in.
The light guitar compliments the vocals and the sound is lazy but effortlessly cool. You're engaged each time their laid-back verse reverts to its dramatic chorus counterpart. The lyrics are intelligent, the layers lovely, and each time I listen I hear a new nuance from some unseen corner of the song. 4/5
SC
Gum Takes Tooth – Young Mustard
Tigertrap
I think the best analogy to describe Gum Takes Tooth would be to imagine Slayer being sucked into a computer and turned into terrifying robots like that bit in Superman III.
‘Young Mustard’ pretty much sums up what these guys are about. Six minutes of squeals, massive drums and black metal vocals, it’s basically the kind of brutal, unashamed artcore crap that people used to listen to at Shoreditch warehouse parties. Great if you’re into it, shit if you’re not. 3/5
DH
The Low Anthem – To Ghosts Who Write History Books
Nonesuch Records
A nostalgic song about ghosts and forgotten histories this is unsurprisingly a slow, mournful little tune. With its subtle soft strings, bluesy clarinet and harmonica interludes, and sparse, scratchy vocals, it's part-gospel, part-folk with a slight country twang.
Admittedly it's not everyone's cup of tea: there's definitely a time and a place for this contemplative number and while it’s no floor filler it would make a good tear-jerking funeral song. Heartfelt, beautiful and sort of uplifting. 3/5
LR
Goldheart Assembly – Under The Waterway
Fierce Panda
The London sextet are back with a nice little summer tune to flip in your flops to. ‘Under the Waterway’'s harmonious rhythms and gentle guitar plucking are all very lovely and charming but haven’t we heard it all before?
Apparently they used obscure instruments and sounds to record this new track, like live steam engines. I can’t quite hear them myself. Perhaps they should have gone for some nice cowbells. I love a bit of cowbells. 2.5/5
SRC
The Like – He's Not a Boy
Geffen Records
Didn't girl bands go the way of platform sneakers when the '90s ended? Perhaps I'm just not cool enough to grasp the ironic appeal of this all-female four-piece – they seem to have toured with every big band of the past five years – but personally, all the hand-clapping and harmonising in this sugary pop track seems sickly sweet and silly.
I feel like I should be in a Clearasil ad, causing havoc in a mall with my wild'n'crazy girlfriends and pulling faces in a photo booth. 2/5
SK
Holy Grail – Improper Burial
Prosthetic Records
It seems that the current 'New Wave Of Traditional Heavy Metal' to which Holy Grail belongs pays tribute both to Iron Maiden and Spinal Tap at the same time.
Indeed, this 'upcoming' LA-based outfit manages to gather all the most caricatured features of the genre within the four tracks of their first EP: electric guitar machismo, deathblow drum kicks, demonic vocals... It feels like the miniature Stonehenge imitation is landing on stage again. 2/5
TC
Alphabeat – DJ (I Could be Dancing)
Polydor
“Saturday night, I feel the air is getting hot. Like you baby.” Oh yeah, bloody love Whigfield. But wait, what's this? It's not crappy mid-'90s dance music? No, it's Danish sub-Eurovision popsters Alphabeat with a single released a full sixteen years after the, ahem, ground-breaking brilliance of 'Saturday Night'.
Sub-Eurovision you say? It's sub-Eurotrash. Even Aqua might have raised their eyebrows at this, if only they actually could. 1/5
TJ
Crystal Swing – Hucklebuck
RMG
I fully support family-based musical projects. The Jackson 5, The Beach Boys, even The Corrs had something going for them, but watching fellow Irish compatriots Crystal Swing perform The Hucklebuck on YouTube is about as entertaining as watching my dog being sick. Butlins entertainment should stay confined to Butlins. There's not much more to be said about this other than that.
It's not entertainment, it's torture. Only the KGB would have known how to use this record most effectively. 0.1/5
RS
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