After last weeks uncharacteristically cheerful review of the week's throwaway three-minute attention seekers (i.e. the singles), this week it's thankfully back to business as usual. And so: plenty of misery, a splattering of comedy, and the odd listenable track. Enjoy!
Shane MacGowan and Friends – I Put a Spell on You
7Digital
Thankfully Bob “give us your fuckin’ money” Geldof’s fellow Irishman Mr MacGowan doesn’t play by the rules – such as making charity singles uniformly shit. After the abomination of ‘Everybody Hurts’, a gang of drunks have created the most incongruous, and best, charity single of all time.
God knows what your average Haitian will make of Shane cackling with impunity, Nick Cave’s evangelical yelps or the Hollywood A-lister on guitar (Johnny Depp), but it works. If Screamin’ Jay is rolling in his grave, it’s in approval. 5/5
MF
Weed Demon – Snow Melt
Transparent
Transparent could be my favourite record label right now. After uncovering Cymbals Eat Guitars and Washed Out, somehow they’ve managed to dig up this band Weed Demon, who, despite a name suggesting they’re some Cypress Hill rip-off, are actually brilliant.
Whilst the A-side ‘Snow Melt’ is a hazy, energetic pop song complete with chiming guitars and sun-drenched melodies, I slightly prefer the flip-side ‘Oklahoma' for having one of the breeziest choruses ever. All in all, a pretty awesome 7”. 4.5/5
DH
Goldfrapp – Rocket
Mute
Yeah! She's back! All those countless pretenders have just been keeping the throne warm for the queen of kooky fashionista electro-pagan machine-pop. Yes, it's Alison Goldfrapp – and the English oddball sexpot has only gone and got herself a rocket, apparently.
“Oh-whoa-oh I got a rocket. Oh-whoa-oh you're going on it. Oh-whoa-oh you're never coming back” she sings in an odd new accent. And what better song to sing it to than Van Halen's 'Jump'? None, basically. Welcome back Alison. 4/5
TJ
Bible Code Sundays – Irish Londoner/Maybe It's Because I'm an Irish Londoner
Cosmic Trigger
You have to wait all of about 3 seconds before a heady mix of flute, whistle, fiddle and accordion kick in on this folk-infused Irish rock track. Royally screwing notions of emigration eroding tradition and identity, this is an upbeat protest song in celebration of holding multiple loyalties.
This could well be the soundtrack to St Paddy's Day or indeed trigger a trend of songs about hyphenated ethnicities – can't wait for a Bollywood version: ‘Indian-Londoner’. 3.5/5
NK
Cymbals Eat Guitars – Wind Phoenix
Memphis Industries
If you’ve wondered about the name Cymbals Eat Guitars, there could be a definition somewhere embedded in ‘Wind Phoenix’. The track gushes with poppy hooks and xylophone riffles that offset a constant overdriven guitar sound.
But before you’ve fallen into a safe set up of summer and cheer, the track gets really dirty. Guitars clash, vocals grit and cymbals eat guitars – drowning out melody in a curious cacophony. Like it. 3.5/5
PW
Goldheart Assembly – King of Rome
Fierce Panda
One of the more spirited offerings from this electro-folk six-piece's forthcoming debut album, 'King of Rome', is instantly enjoyable, if a tad forgettable amongst other belted-out, summery indie-pop flooding an airwave near you in preparation for festival season.
Still, there's enough to allow Goldheart Assembly a voice that's distinctively theirs – pared-back, barbershop-esque harmonies abound on this track, and the ringing bell as the guitars fade out provides a nice primary-school-nostalgia touch. Satisfyingly quirky and digestible enough for mass-marketing to Glastonbury groovers, 'King of Rome' should go far. 3/5
SK
T-Pain – Take Your Shirt Off
Jive
Mr Auto-tune T-Pain is back encouraging girls who don't care to take their “motherfuckin' shirt aaawwwf”. It’s not exactly a surprising development for someone who fell in love with a stripper.
Perhaps we could view it as his Rose period, a light-hearted and ironic look at the notions of gender performativity prevalent in modern acquisitive societies, as addressed in his previous works. Or, it's as crass as an R. Kelly home video. Either way, I don't care – I just hope Mr Pain keeps his on. 2/5
BG
Steve Aoki – I’m In The House
Dim Mak
“Yo. I’m in the house” – yeah Steve, it’s hard to miss you in those garish sunglasses, or to escape your relentless, thudding aural assault of a single. The lyrics are mildly amusing – in particular listen out for the crassly slung together line: "I’ll banging make you wee" – but horrible gun trigger noises and computer game beeps make this verge away from hilarious and towards the god damn infuriating.
At least Aoki’s aware of his dubious music-making ability – "I rock it with ill technique". Enough said. 1.5/5
LR
Chris Brown – Crawl
Jive
In lieu of being arsed to review this myself, I thought I’d let YouTube comments do most of the work.
“what a woman beater and a nerd” (2hot2shitNdapot). He is.
“he's aloud to punch girls in the face because of his amazing dancing” (1222Matt). He’s not.
“I think its about his relationship with rihanna.“ (EmmaCheesy). It is.
“god he properly gives me goosebumps” (shadowxofxthexday). Yup, and a black eye if you aren’t careful.
“R.kelly pissed on a bitch and every1 still loves him” (rokithard). Ignore that one.
Oh, and by the way the music’s absolute dogshit. 0/5
JL
Ah, so squiff-eyed wino Shane MacGowan has clubbed together a ruddy good charity effort for Haiti eh? Presumably the gap between the actual disaster and the single can be explained by some kind of extended alcohol and heroin binge. We wouldn't expect any less. And in other news: Chris Brown's a tosser. Someone call an ambulance for the bleeding obvious. And possibly for MacGowan after he goes for a celebratory drink.
In the meantime: join our Facebook Group, obviously.
[This week's Guest Editor was James Lachno]
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