New Releases - Christmas Special

New Releases - Christmas Special

09 December, 2009
by: Music Team

Singles of the Week: Spoonfed takes a look through this year's contenders for the Christmas bargain bucket.

Photographer: Steve Hopson

King Salami and the Cumberland 3 – Xmas A Go Go
Dirty Water Records

As novelty records go, this is pretty bloody excellent. Side A – 'Sock it to me Santa' – sounds like King Khan and James Brown partying in crappy Christmas jumpers, whilst side B – 'Black Santa' – is a devilish garage rock sleigh ride.

If you can imagine a bunch of giggling girls in pyjamas being chased around by a suave looking gentleman in glasses and a smoking jacket, wielding a sprig of mistletoe, then you'll sort of get the general vibe of this record. 4.5/5
DH

Laura Marling – Goodbye England (Covered in Snow)
Virgin

Less a Christmas song, more a soundtrack to long, cold and lonely walks through frost-bitten fields – Laura Marling comes across here as the younger, more idealistic version of Kirsty MacColl's 'Fairytale of New York' character.

She had someone, now she doesn't, and the winter seems much colder as a result. It's a simple and familiar tale, and perhaps that's why it resonates with such bittersweet beauty. You won't hear a better song this Christmas that doesn't involve Shane MacGowan. 4.5/5
MF

Sebastien Tellier – L’Amour et La Violence
Record Makers

L'amour. Ahhhh oui. L'amour. En France, l'amour c'est trop... c'sest trop.. how you say...difficile? Before one speaks on the subject that is l'amour, one must first grow a beard, a manly French beard. One must grow one's hair too, and sit, alone, dans le studio, avec un piano.

L'amour et la violence, c’est un peu diffèrent. Then, one needs synths, synths that soar like birds. One must be in earnest, toujours. This way, and only this way, may one speak of l'amour et la violence. Formidable! 4/5
TJ

The Shooting Stars – My Christmas Card To You
Universal

A Christmas charity single by former Wizzard front man Roy Wood; the description struck fear into my very soul – I locked away any sharp objects that I would no doubt be tempted to thrust into my eye halfway through the first play.

Despite my Scrooge-like premonitions I actually don't mind this fun and exceedingly mincey slice of retro pie. As one line rightfully declares this certainly isn't "Tchaikovsky or Bing Crosby"; it's a silly but cheery crimbo effort best enjoyed after a few bottles of sherry. 3/5
AW

Hollie Steel – Where Are You Christmas?
Code 7

With my hatred for Christmas songs, televised talent shows and small children, there is possibly no one better qualified to give Hollie Steel a heartlessly bad review. Yet there is no denying that the girl can sing.
 
Whilst the song is more at home in sickly sweet Christmas movies than in the pop chart, she doesn’t do a bad job, and no doubt there will be a few unsuspecting Grannies getting some last minute Christmas singles in their stockings. 3/5
GM

Tara Mathew – Christmas Present
Mediaministries

It's not hard to believe that a song so heavily layered with pastiche of any other Christmas single – sung by a butter-wouldn't-melt Canadian singer – made the cut for Children in Need Christmas single 2008.

But should they have even bothered? This release dropped so far under the radar that even YouTube haters haven't bothered scathing the comments box with inane insults for its video. It's too easy. Who knew they had standards? 1/5 It’s a shameless re-release!
PW

Terry Wogan and Aled Jones – Silver Bells/Sharon Corr – Me and My Teddy Bear
Bandaged

To raise money for Children in Need, Bandaged (Radio 2 presenters and friends) have recorded an album of children's songs and released two singles in a bid for the Christmas no.1. 'Silver Bells' is a mawkish number; the video to which sees Aled Jones dressed as an elf, Terry Wogan as Rupert Bear and Chris Evans as Father Christmas.

Even more perturbing is 'Me and My Teddy Bear' which sees least hot Corr sister feeding her teddy toast. Still it's all for a good cause, those lazy little urchins won’t clothe themselves... 1/5
EM

Pet Shop Boys – It Doesn’t Often Snow At Christmas
Parlophone

Evidence that seasonal singles apparently aren't beneath anyone, the Pet Shop Boys have cooked up this re-recorded offering to try and loosen the X Factor's vice-like grip on the top of the festive charts.

Of course, they'll fail, as even the usual slick euro-pop beats and Neil Tennant's dispassionate monotone can't save this holiday howler. From the obligatory opening church bells to the risible "Merry Christmas...and a Happy New Year" exchange between Tennant and co-conspirator Chris Lowe, this is a week-old Christmas turkey of a tune.1/5
JL

Mini Viva – I Wish
Polydor

In 'I Wish', Mini Viva have released a single that's as catchy as swine flu but potentially more harmful. Any new act from Simon Fuller's evil laboratory must be treated with extreme caution, and this proves no exception, as once again he threatens to smother our children with bland, substance-free pop, cunningly cloaked in primary colours and youthful exuberance.

I'm writing to the Daily Mail to start a petition against this filth…0/5
PL

George Michael – December Song
Island Records

'Last Christmas' by Wham was released over 25 years ago. It remains one of the most recognised and overplayed Christmas songs ever. I’m not saying it’s especially good, but it’s an enduring classic.

This flaccid, seasonal offering on the other hand, has the wishy washy pallor of a song destined to sink without trace. It is Christmassy, don’t get me wrong – he mentions Jesus and everything – and it conjures log fires and mulled wine rather than the car crashes and crack which George himself conjures. But it stinks. 1/5
LC

Merry Christmas everyone! Now do us the honour of joining the Facebook Group you bloody Scrooge. Rivers - this one's for you!

Music Team