August: Travelling on a Thames River Cruise

Seen in the opening credits of EastEnders, Bond’s boat chase in The World is Not Enough and home to Britain’s external spy agency MI6, tourists flock to the River Thames in hope of experiencing the true London lifestyle. Little do they know, that for most of us, we have not nor ever intend on travelling our grand canal.

Part of our job is to test out what we recommend to make sure we are not foolhardy or flippant in our choices. Some events can sound fantastic on paper but somehow come together on the night like an all boy school production of the Mikado. However, Spoonfed’s marketing guru, Meaghan and I found ourselves in editorial heaven when we were invited to Pilsner Urquell’s latest promotion, The Perfect Commute.

Greeted by a tray full of the ice-cold amber beverages, we proceeded to battle the slightly choppy waves each step to the top deck. Seeing the first glimpse of sunlight in weeks, our tourist side took hold and the camera was quickly pulled from our bags. Onboard the vessel, a chef appeared with a mound of marinated prawns and juicy steaks and within moments we’d lined up with plate in hand.

The epitome of a London cruise, after filling our growling stomachs, we ventured below the deck for a few competitive games of Mario Kart and bowling on the Wii and a therapeutic massage each from the two ready and willing masseuses. Never without a Pilsner Urquell pint in our greedy hands, we pleaded with the organisers to make this a weekly (or even monthly) occurrence. If so, I have surely found a new job as the Pilsner Urquell correspondent for Spoonfed. To read more about the hedonistic journey down the Thames and to see some glorious photos that will make you squirm with envy, see our Spoonfed Blog.

On the topic of water-based entertainment, I’ve gathered a selection of activities to keep your feet wet throughout the month of August. Spanning 215 miles, there’s no possible way to see all of the riverbank so we’ll concentrate on the boundary of the medieval city, mainly between Greenwich Park and Hampton Court Palace, where you can take a two hour Thames River cruise from one to the other passing by Kew Gardens, Big Ben and the Tower of London.

We’re around five months too late for the annual University Boat Race along the Thames but you can join one of the numerous rowing or canoeing clubs by the riverbank. If speed is your ethos, sign up to the Duck tours, which is far more than sightseeing... it’s an adventure. Rebuilt from the amphibious DUKWs used to take the troops ashore for the D-Day landings, the newly painted bright yellow rubber duckies take on Westminster’s streets and then onto the Thames with ease. Not only a fun mode of transport, a chirpy guide will explain some of the London attractions as you sit back and take in the scenery.

As part of the Wildfowl & Wetlands Trust, you can pack a picnic and head to the 43 hectare London Wetlands Centre about 25 minutes from London’s Square Mile for a chance to see around 180 species of rare and endangered species of wildlife engage in their daily activities. Catered for a family outing, the visitor centre is equipped with a restaurant, gift shop, glass observatory overlooking the nature reserve and a children's discovery centre.

Why line-up time and time again in the sweltering heat just to finally get into a venue that is more like a sauna than a nightclub? Club promoters have finally realised their evil ways and branched out, providing us with a healthy abundance of boat parties, still blasting out the hottest tracks by the greatest DJs in the UK. Seen as a promoter’s paradise, the Thames is not just a major highway for international trade, but also THE floating venue for international and local DJs. For the last bank holiday Sunday of the year, Spin Doctor & Andy Bird will be joined by the likes of Brad Baloo of The Nextman for a wet and wild celebration of hip hop, soul, disco and house.

If you’re more Bollywood then Hollywood, we suggest you don a sari and bindi if you must fit the part but for everyone else smart casual. Returning for its third year, Indian Events launch onto the Thames on the MV Royalty for a night of Bhangra, Bollywood, RnB and hip hop.

Slightly off the track, if you can’t get enough of this watery indulgence you should quickly book a spot on the Summer Tunnel Boat Trips organised by the London Canal Museum. A rare treat for the warmer months, you can travel through the Islington tunnel on the Regent’s Canal, first opened in 1820. Over three quarters of a mile in length, the first boats to travel through the tunnel had to be pushed by men on their backs and legs pushing against the wall. Don’t worry; using narrowboats now, you’ll easily glide through with 11 other Londoners. Costing £7 or £5 for an adult and child respectively, it includes admission to the museum for the 17th of August and 21st of September.

For a basic ‘get me from one attraction to another’ experience, jump on the Tate Modern to Tate Britain catamaran that will have you from one brilliant gallery to the other in 20 or so minutes. Buy an unlimited ticket on board and enjoy a day of riding the Thames instead of an overcrowded tube. For other transport cruises further up or down the river try here.

With the sun suddenly peering through the ominous-looking clouds, creating a ‘heatwave’ that will have thousands of senior citizens keeling over in moments; abandon the sweltering pavements of the city for a cool river breeze. We'll see you there!