Lucha Brittania at SE1

Lucha Brittania at SE1

21 July, 2008
by: SpecialK

A Valentines Day Massacre is without question the only way to alleviate the feeling of utter nausea brought on by a London overrun with putrid couples shamelessly displaying their lurve with teddy bears and other overpriced accoutrements purchased from Texaco garages.

If maintaining some dignity and attempting not to vomit into your mouth is your preferred lot at this time of year, then Lucha Britannia would have been a sensible choice. Occupying a dark corner of the cavernous SEone club, Lucha Britannia is the kind of night where you might expect to find your school physics teacher gurning in the gents wearing nothing but a dog collar and chaps. In other words, bizarre yet strangely satisfying.

Here a small but elite team of Mexican wrestling enthusiasts, burlesque dancers, masqued fetishists, militia and a handful of stock brokers who apparently got lost on their way to Pacha, assemble together under one exposed brick roof to witness the spectacle of tongue in cheek machismo that is Lucha libre.

On entry punters are required to sign a disclaimer that basically stipulates you can't moan like a bitch or call the Accident Helpline for a no-win-no-fee bonus if you get squashed between the ample buttocks of a luchador flying through the air at speed. Fights are perfectly choreographed to combine just the right amount of 'don't try this at home' action and lycra unitard yanking with full bum exposure to guarantee a great family night out.

With names like Estupido 'The Human Torpedo' and El Perano 'The Swamp Fish' the kind of base level entertainment usually provided by watching chavs batter each other with WKD bottles on the night bus is enjoyed from the relative safety of ringside at Lucha Britannia. 'Injured' wrestlers are tended to by rubber clad nurses who look like classier versions of those girls who wander around in fishnets and their nan's undies outside Camden tube station.

After the wrestling the audience is treated to a performance by one of the aforementioned ladies, 'Syban V Manticore' who sports some rather fetching decapitated Barbies as hair accessories (as you do) and dances around chopping up dolls and pinning things onto her lily white chest with all the enthusiasm of a self harmer paid to show off her unsavoury hobby. Not for the faint hearted but most educational.

Its always nice to do something different on a Friday night in London and despite all the wrestling, sweat, violence, animal fetish and mild sadomasochism, the Lucha Britannia lot are actually quite a pleasant bunch. The action wound down at about 1am, after which time everyone got down to some good old fashioned jiving, throwing shapes reminiscent of your dad at a family wedding. All in all much more civilized than spending the Valentines period arguing with your boyfriend outside Pizza Express.

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SpecialK