5 teachers there really should be plays about.
Theatre has been taking a long, hard look at education of late. Bush Theatre began the year with their schools season, featuring John Donnelly's The Knowledge and Steve Waters' Little Platoons. Then Vivienne Franzmann's Bruntwood Prize-winning Mogadishu ran at the Lyric Hammersmith, and now Stephen Poliakoff's new play My City takes audiences back to school at the Almeida Theatre.
In Poliakoff’s latest drama, Richard Kenton (Tom Riley) bumps into his primary school headteacher (Tracey Ullman) lying on a park bench. Not quite as he remembers her, his former teacher, one of the most influential people in his life, has many tales of London to tell him.
This got us thinking about the most influential teachers in our lives (most of them turned out to be fictional) who we'd like to see up on stage reminiscing about the lives we know so little about:
1. Mr Gilbert (The Inbetweeners)
Mainly because everyone likes a good bit of schadenfreude – no one more so than Mr Gilbert himself. With the sadistic talents displayed in The Inbetweeners, he could have a play purely dedicated to humiliating a class of sixth form students; think Dead Poets' Society but with creative yet blunt humiliation replacing all that inspirational stuff.
2. Mr G (Summer Heights High)
Does this even need an explanation? The triple threat diva has already written his own show and we think it's time to give 'Mr G: The Musical' the true arena spectacular treatment it deserves. Giant dancing ecstasy pills and dogs with angel wings – that’s theatrical magic right there.
3. Professor Flitwick (Harry Potter)
A much neglected member of the Hogwarts faculty, we think the vertically challenged Charms teacher deserves a magic show of his own. Perhaps something along the lines of Derren Brown but with fewer mind tricks and more levitating. All together now … “wingardium leviosa!”
4. Mr Kimble (Kindergarten Cop)
Has no one put Arnie on stage yet? If he can be persuaded, which we don't imagine would be difficult, please can he play John Kimble in a musical version of Kindergarten Cop where his tough love can be dolled out to adorable but irritating infants? He's a nursery school teacher by day and a crack detective by night: what's not to love?
5. Mr Myagi (Karate Kid)
Because, as the great man said: “Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything” – and he did. Therefore, a stage adaptation should be no sweat. Plus, there really aren't enough roles in the theatre for elderly Asian men.
Any suggestions? Do add them below...
Top image by Hugo Glendinning
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