Weekend Guides: Father's Day in the West End

Weekend Guides: Father's Day in the West End

01 August, 2008
by: Street Team

This Father's Day, ignore Pops when he claims he just wants to be left alone with a beer and the football. It's a much better idea to drag him on a trek round London. Why? Because he'll remember it, that's why. And furthermore, walking gives an excuse for grumbling, and grumbling is the National Parental Pastime.

With this in mind, we've chosen the West End for our Father's Day itinerary, for two reasons. Firstly, the mere prospect of going 'up west' will set in train a colossal moan about tourists, tat and the way things used to be better. Secondly, by the end of the day he'll have learned that this part of town is still magic, even for the olds. (Don't panic, there's also a chance to catch the footie.)

View this itinerary as a map

This is a pretty big itinerary, so don't be surprised if your dad collapses and doesn't want to move around the time of the first beer. Your day will still have been a success! The weather forecast is fair, but don't forget a brolly and your A to Z.

First stop, Victoria. Take the tube there and make a proper start to the day with a full English breakfast at DK's. This place is exceptional, even for veggies, and the coffee should get your padre moving.

You're now a five minute stroll from the Queen's Gallery, which is at Buckingham Palace and currently features the Amazing Rare Things exhibition. Curated by David Attenborough, this collection of influential art, design and stuffed animals is perfect for a quick browse before strolling across St James Park (bring bread if you want to feed the swans) and hitting the West End proper.

If your old man isn't already sated, culture wise, your first stop should be the National Gallery, where he can lecture you about the paintings, or next door at the National Portrait Gallery where there's a jazz exhibition that should make him feel young. Another advantage of this scheme is the excellent Portrait restaurant on the top floor, but only if he's paying!

If you're buying lunch, try the West End Canteen (three good courses for £6, no website, it's ON Leicester Square), awesome kosher kebabs and such at Gaby's or some superior Chinese at the Golden Dragon.

After a suitably robust meal (you've earned it, daddy-oh) the afternoon stretches ahead of you with a multitude of options. You could play a round of urban golf in Soho, watching your papa try to hack his way round Augusta or Carnoustie on their slick simulators. You could drag the pater up to Selfridges for a massage or a wet shave (book ahead) or take him to buy some accessories at Trumper's or Fortnum's. Less expensive, and more amusing, is the new spoof from the creators of Reduced Shakespeare, Dickens Unplugged at the Comedy Theatre, a chance for sire to show how clever he is, just by laughing.

As the gloaming descends, some Dads will now become quite frantic at the prospect of missing the Portugese stuffing the Swiss. 'We'll never get a seat' they'll burble. Fear not: the Comedy Pub, despite being right next to Leicester Square, has a third, top floor that nobody seems to know about and you can usually get a seat 30 minutes before kick off. Or, you could head to Dutch classic De Hems, for much better beer, lovely girls, a great atmosphere and absolutely no chance of a seat whatsoever.

Other Pops will have no interest in the football, or will have familiarised themselves with modern technology to the extent that they are 'taping' it. Full marks, but they will still want to have a drink. If they like a giggle as well, the Funny Side of Covent Garden is a lot cheaper than the Comedy Store, and both offer top notch stand-up sessions around nightfall. If they want to listen to music, you could take them to Ronnie Scott's to check out the new project of former Yes and Asia frontman Steve Howe. It costs an arm and a leg though and if the old duffer still hasn't cracked out his wallet, head to Ain't Nothing But Blues Bar for a downmarket but still charming version of the same thing.

Most Dads will by now have become as intractable as an exhausted sugar-crashing toddler and will be screaming for a taxi home. However, if your progenitor is the active type, then put the final seal on the night with some competitive games. You can play snooker at Centrepoint or go bowling until 2am at the Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes – just don't forget to let him win!

To be honest, most fathers won't cope with this day. It's epic. But even if you just get them breakfast and a chance to grumble round a gallery, they'll go to bed happy that the fruit of their loins is not just using them as a cash cow.

Click here to view itinerary on a map

Joe Harrod

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Street Team