Fashion Week, Frieze, festivals for restaurants, cocktails and design: London is the busiest city in the world. Tom Jeffreys finds the quickest way around.
Cities are like books, or people. The better you know them, the more there is to know. A while ago I opined that the best way to get to know somewhere like London is on foot, and to a certain extent it's true. But other modes of transport are, if not always as enjoyable, just as 'true': the tube forces you into the commuter's armpit, whilst the bus makes you mingle with the school kids, and the cab both closes the city out and opens the pages of some of its strangest stories.
But these last couple of months I've been getting about in rather different fashion. Helmet on, goggles snapped into place, scarf streaming behind me as I race over cobbles and zip in front of buses. That's right, lately I've been riding a scooter; or more specifically a limited edition Vespa LX Touring 125, in rich chocolatey brown, all its chrome agleam in the autumnal air.
Given that September and October have been ludicrously busy, as London awakes from its lazy summer slumber, you'd think a nippy little Vespa would have come in rather useful. Getting round London Fashion Week, London Design Festival, London Restaurant Festival and Frieze Week (as well as all the other art openings across the capital) is one hell of a task, I can assure you; especially if you have to rely on striking tube workers, traffic-jammed buses or walking (for all my idealism, frankly I'm also very lazy). So the Vespa seemed like the ideal solution – although it obviously wasn't so useful during London Cocktail Week. Booze + high-speed transport = bad things.
And the Vespa itself is wonderful: a thing of beauty, power, speed and timeless glamour. The problem primarily is the driver, which obviously, is, um, me. Maybe I'm just a coward, or maybe I have no spatial awareness, understanding of the highway code, or affinity with motorised vehicles – to be honest even bicycles are sometimes too much of a challenge. Anyway, after a couple of near-crashes, several very late arrivals (my sense of direction is also appalling), and reducing all my friends and family to nervous wrecks – so dubious are they of my chances of survival – here's my guide to a perfect cultural day out in London, from the north-east to the south-west, Vespa-style:
Breakfast
With all this scootering ahead you're going to need a hearty start. My ideal day kicks off with breakfast at The Counter in Hackney Wick. Yes it's in Hackney Wick, but the breakfasts at the Counter are so good they make up for the surrounding industrial/arty weirdness.
Contemporary Art
Pootle down Victoria Park Road, and stop off at Ingrid Z's lovely Residence Gallery; then perhaps Primo Alonso on Hackney Road and on through Shoreditch and up to the recently opened Arcade just the other side of City Road.
Coffee
Whizz down into Clerkenwell (where every other person there is a scooter-riding graphic designer) and stop for a wee caffeine hit at the wonderful Caravan. Riding scooters is tiring – keep your energy up!
Shopping
From here head into town and into Liberty. Not only is there loads of nearby scooter parking but you also needn't worry about overloading on luxury knick-knacks – you can always pop any purchases into your under-seat storage compartment. Handy, huh?
Lunch
We would have suggested The Wolseley but parking could be a fiddle. Maybe Le Caprice? I went the other day for a chefs' demo thing and boy was the food delicious!
Classical Art
After lunch, why not have a gentle wander round the always charming Royal Academy? They might even let you park your Vespa in the front courtyard (or maybe the security fellow just took pity on me).
Theatre
If you're still hungry for more culture, we'd suggest you head over the Thames (there's nothing quite like crossing the river at speed on a scooter) and see what's on at the Old Vic – or the atmospheric Old Vic Tunnels, if they've got any cool performances on there. Or perhaps you could catch some experimental classical music at Queen Elizabeth Hall.
Drink
No you shouldn't really drink whilst riding, but one small one is just about OK. And whilst you're on your Vespa you really should head to the aptly named ScooterCaffe, situated on Lower Marsh just behind Waterloo Station. We recommend a Campari and orange to finish the day off in style.
Lastly, some important tips: 1. Take the back streets (it's way more fun!); But 2. plan your route (many of them are one-way); 3. Avoid big buses, lorries, trucks, taxis...; 4. Wear gloves (anything that keeps your hands from freezing is a good idea. This isn't Milan; it's London.) 5. Oh and wear helmet, obviously.
The Vespa LX Touring 125 is available for £3,199.
www.uk.vespa.com
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Click here for things to do in London.
Return to Spoonfed's London Art homepage.
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