Planning on checking out the Venice Biennale this year? Tom Jeffreys brings you his top tips on what to do once you're there.
When to go
Obviously all the arty types descend on Venice for the three days of champagne-quaffing and canapé-scoffing otherwise known as the vernissage. But for everyone else the best time to go is probably right at the end, in November. By then most of the hype will have died down, plus you’ll avoid the frightful summer crowds that all but ruin Venice.
Where to stay
Our advice is to find a nice little apartment somewhere – it doesn’t really matter where, as Venice is pretty small and it all looks the same anyway. Either that, or hire a yacht. Just don’t do a Roman Abramovich – he incensed the locals with his ludicrously gigantic navy blue behemoth, La Luna. He even had half the promenade fenced off for God knows what reason. Subtle? Subtle for an oligarch.
What to wear
Chaps: Linen suits are the order of the day, with bold striped shirts and chunky brown loafers. Think wealthy Italian gallerists, as imagined by the Sartorialist.
Ladies: Pretty summer dresses and flat shoes – Venice involves an almost ludicrous amount of walking, so heels are definitely out.
What to drink
Spritz – white wine, a glug of bitter orange liqueur Aperol, topped with soda water, garnished with a big, fat green olive. Invented in Venice, a Spritz should cost you about €3 in any normal bar and, in addition to all the free booze at art openings, this is what makes the Biennale bearable.
What to eat
Food in Venice is notoriously expensive and dull, so there’s basically two options. The first is grabbing slices of pizza as you dash from palazzo to palazzo; and the second is Linea D’ombre. Sure, it’s monumentally pricey, but we’re reliably informed that it’s the best place in town.
What to say
The buzzword for 2011 is, without a doubt, entropy. One exhibition is entitled ‘One of a Thousand Ways to Defeat Entropy’ whilst the word also crops up in at least three other press releases. Amusingly, and unsurprisingly, nobody in the art world seems to actually know what it means, so we suggest a bit of half-arsed Wikipedia research to show your expertise. Otherwise, just stick to failsafe art-world terms like juxtaposition, discourse, narrative, and the current mot du jour, dialogue.
What to carry
For some, it’s the free tote bags that generate more excitement than the actual work on show – hardly surprising in some cases. The most-wanted for 2011 are Turkey’s – a plain linen colour with a strip of yellow at the base and some little tags on the side; and the Turner Prize-shortlisted Karla Black’s individually finger-painted powder blue numbers. They’re a zillion times better than her actual work – a load of dirt and cheap cosmetic products, shoved inconsiderately inside a 15th century palazzo.
Celebrities
Spoonfed spotted Grayson Perry pottering about the Arsenale with his wife; Jefferson Hack clutching a glass of prosecco in the Museo Fortuny; Roman Abramovich’s yacht; and Sir Nicholas Serota, trying to looking busy in the Giardini. Yawn.
Art
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