I do everything my wife tells me to do. Take out the garbage, wash the dishes, and even go to Miss Pole dance UK. As you can imagine the thought of having to admire a selection of competitive ladies strutting their stuff for a crowd of their peers and fans is a big ask. Dutifully I agree.
Ushered into the VIP section, we find the view to the stage obscured by light rigging, but no matter; we have a big screen feed of the main stage, and our own private dancers from the Pole Passion Dance Troupe. At least half the audience are girls, most of whom discovered the pole as a fun route to fitness. Our neighbour in the VIP box is here supporting his wife. He claims she has at least four poles in their house for practise.
Our MC for the night looks like the love child of Jonathan Ross and Ross Noble, with added eyeliner. The night kicks off with two vaudeville acts. First a woman uses an angle grinder to spray sparks into the audience whilst a drummer beats out a tune; then a second strips to Björk's 'It's Oh So Quiet'. Appropriately, she starts out dressed as a librarian.
The first of tonight's contestants is Jolene Whiting, who comes out strong and sets the bar high, incorporating all the required dance moves Pole Passion teaches. While some of the dancers show more strain than others, it's obvious why they all had made it through to the final, as none of them struggled with the moves. They all know how to entertain.
Crowd favourite Tracey Simmonds illustrates why she was crowned last year's winner, incorporating ballet techniques into her routine, and even a mid-air running man. My personal favourite is Sam Remmer from Plymouth, for using AC/DC as her musical accompaniment. Not usually associated with delicate dance moves, the fast-paced beats enhance the buzz round her performance.
Organiser kept the pace going nicely, with a mid-show burlesque performance to an acoustic vocal version of 2 Live Crews 'Me So Horny'. Over the course of the night we see all kinds of acts and costumes ranging from clowns to 80s style leotards. Musically we're talking Metallica to Nina Simone and everything in between.
The trophy goes to Alicia Vazmitsel, who performs to a medley of tunes, slipping from a ball gown into a bikini seamlessly throughout the set. Second place went to former winner Tracey Simmonds, and third to Deb Riley, who appropriately began her set as a threesome. The win sees Alicia go on to represent the UK in Jamaica at the Miss World Pole Dance Competition next year.
I'll let you know if the wife lets me go to that one.
To give it a go yourself, we recommend the Polepeople's weekly beginner's classes.
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