How To Be A Savvy Clubber

How To Be A Savvy Clubber

02 June, 2010
by: Trol23

What does it take to be a savvy clubber? Tomas Olesen gives his guide to some dos and don'ts.

Before you even leave the house, make sure you know where you're going, check if there's any dress code, and check out the TFL website for how you're getting there and home if you're using public transport. Remember your keys, wallet, and phone!

Tickets

If you're a tiny bit organised and buy early bird tickets you'll save masses on the door price. Also check out the promoter's and the club's websites, you may find there are deals for groups booking in advance. West London clubs in particular often have free guestlist schemes.

Bouncers

Doormen and doorwomen are people too, so when you get to the door and someone looks at you like 'what do you want?' Say hello/good evening/wotcha with a smile and half the time you'll breeze in. Obviously turning up half cut at the door is going to make your life difficult. Look at it from their point of view. You're much more likely to be a pain in their arses later on if they let you in whilst messy, and you're not likely to spend much so it's doubly bad for business. Bring I.D with you and you'll often save yourself a lot of hassle too because more and more clubs are operating I.D checks on anyone who looks under 21. Lastly if you are on a guestlist, don't presume that makes you some sort of VIP; the bouncers certainly don't think you are and can and will refuse you entry if you act like a mafia don entering his private club.

Bar Staff

There should be some kind of mandatory national service for the hospitality industry. That way everyone would know how hard bar and waiting staff work and maybe treat them with a bit of respect. It can be easy to become frustrated when you feel you've waited at a bar for too long, when other people who've been there less time are getting served first. There are a few things you can do to make your life easier at any bar. 

Firstly, pick your spot. Don't take up position at one or other extremity of the bar, it'll take much longer to get served if you even get noticed at all. See which of the barstaff seems to be getting through customers fastest and position yourself to be served by them. 

Secondly, as with life in general, a smile will get you served a lot quicker than scowling at someone who is run off their feet. Definitely never whistle, shout 'Oi!', or wave money at the bar staff. If this is your idea of how to behave towards other people you should probably just stay at home and do everyone a favour.

Lastly, tip! It's not a very British thing to do but drop a fiver on the tip plate on the first round and you'll be guaranteed to be served quicker next time, particularly if you smile and engage them in conversation too, you may even find you get poured a bigger measure next time.

Dancefloor Ettiquette

Guys - There is nothing worse than 'that' guy. He makes his way around the dancefloor dancing up on every lady in the vain hope of pulling by grinding against them until they're so turned on they jump on him. Doesn't work. Makes said idiot look like a sex pest at best. Try and do your chatting up in the bar; that's the place for meeting and talking with people.

Ladies - Leave dancing around handbags in the '80s next to AIDS and Babycham where it belongs.

Toilet Attendents

As with all the members of staff at a club, politeness is key. Just because someone is working in a toilet does not make them inferior to you. These guys are awesome, chuck 'em a quid and you can have a squirt of some designer fragrance or other and probably a lollipop too. If you're going on to another party be sure to see these guys before you go and at least you'll arrive smelling fresh.

Taxi Home

Most venues have a scrum of taxi drivers baying for business outside them. There is a good chance to haggle in this situation, particularly if you're leaving the club at the end. They know there isn't that much business left so will take less money. Quite an effective way of haggling is to play them off against each other in a bidding war. In the end you can often halve the amount they wanted for the journey to start with. Clearly getting into an unlicensed taxi on your own is asking for trouble so don't do it, ever

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Trol23