Hello, and welcome to the fourth installment of Wine of the Week, the Spoonfed feature that pits the cream of contemporary music against the charms of a bottle of wine. I'm Tom Jeffreys and with me this evening are Comedy Editor Emma McAlpine and Dominic Haley, one of Spoonfed's Live Music Editors.
We're going to be sampling Beringer Sparkling Rosé (Co-op's Fizz of the Month at £5.99 down from £7.49) alongside new stuff from Frank Musik, Lord Skywave and Black Lips.
Dom (pouring): They're not joking when they say it's Fizz of the Month are they? It's bubbling everywhere.
Tom: It's like baby's bubblebath.
FrankMusik – Instep and undone
Apparent Records
Emma: Ooh it's pretty terrible, even for cheap pink sparkling wine. I'm not sure they know what they're doing down at the Co-op picking this as Fizz of the Month.
Dom: I think this is really working 'cos the wine's really fizzy and this is a really fizzy pop song. You can imagine drinking it at some garden party.
Tom: And there's some guy in a linen suit there who thinks he's pretty cool.
Dom: Like David Byrne style.
Tom: I can imagine driving along top down in a cheap white convertible car, bottle of this in the back. Driving down some endless slightly futuristic road in a computer game or something. That'd be pretty sweet.
Dom: It's like Barbie world crossed with a Miami garden party.
Tom (reading the label): 'Enjoy the bubbles at a special dinner, add a splash of fun to your next brunch or celebrate with a toast at your next party.'
Emma: I'd probably be sick if I had this for brunch.
Dom: I reckon someone will make like a really rad house remix of this, the kind of thing that I'd really hate.
Tom: This second track sounds like Craig David. I'm not sure I can handle it: it's kind of relentlessly bland. Can we just stop it?
Dom: You can't just stop it Tom. You've got to be professional: this is Wine of the Week.
Verdict:
Tom: I think the wine and the music are pretty much the same. After a while they get pretty cloying.
Dom: Both brash, tinny and plastic. Sometimes that's good, and sometimes it just isn't.
Lord Skywave – Lord Skywave
This is Music Ltd
Dom: He's ex-Simian this guy. And apparently he's sampled some music from his granny on here.
Emma: I think somehow that the wine's got worse.
Tom: It tastes of that horrible sugary syrup stuff topped up with cheap lemonade.
Emma: And this song's not going anywhere at all. Why would you leave Simian to do this?
Tom: D'you reckon he just wanted to do this kind of thing when he was in Simian and they were like, no, Simon, NO.
Dom: Please Simon, just don't sing.
Tom: Just shut up.
Emma: Maybe he's joined some weird cult and they've brainwashed him into doing this rubbish.
Dom: It's like really shit trip-hop. And trip-hop was the shittest type of music ever. Why would you want to bring this back? I hate this. I hate this more than poi.
Tom: You've really got a thing against poi.
Emma: One of my friends has taken up poi.
Dom: Then shun him.
Tom: What is poi? Is it that thing that people throw around in Covent Garden?
Dom: Yeah, and the idiots in Covent Garden would probably like this. It's shopping music. It's what they'd play in the lift at GAP. Well done Simon. You've just left Simian to make elevator music.
Verdict:
Dom: This is just too miserable. You can't listen to this with champagne man. The only way I could listen to this would be if I was totally stoned out of my gourd.
Tom: Basically, that was shit.
Black Lips – Bad Kids
Vice
Tom: I like this. I like the sort of jingle bells in the background. It's kinda Christmassy. I can imagine drinking this on the worst Christmas morning ever.
Emma: You're just slumped in the corner wearing a really horrible jumper.
Dom: If I was drinking this out the bottle it'd be so much better. If I was drinking this out the bottle, in my underwear, in cowboy boots...
Emma: Let the festivities begin!
Dom: Maybe I should pour a bit back into the bottle and drink it out of that?
Tom: You'll just spill it everywhere.
Dom: Alright Dad!
Emma: It's a waste of perfectly good pink wine.
Dom (drinking out of the bottle): It's good! Always drink champagne out of the bottle if you're listening to anything with guitars.
Tom: That's Spoonfed's Tip of the Week. (Also drinking out of the bottle) God Dom, you're so right. Suddenly it all makes sense. Suddenly there's clarity.
Verdict:
Emma: Well, both the wine and the music are pretty festive, but only if you're the kind of person who would shorten Christmas to 'Chrimbo'.
Tom: Or Xmas.
Dom: I think that was the fastest wine of the week we've ever had. And we've still got wine left.
Tom: Well has anybody got anything funny to say as a closer?
Emma: Um, no.
Tom: OK then, well that was Wine of the Week IV, with myself, Dom and Emma. Thanks for joining us.
Beringer Sparkling Rosé, California
£5.99 down from £7.49 Co-op
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